Day Eleven;

Day Eleven;
Screaming has been the soundtrack to my day and heralded in my theme of babies!  That's right I am ranting about babies!  Ok I actually like babies but if, like me, you have had a full on, non stop day of screaming you too would be questioning whether or not you actually like them and why no one made them with an 'off' button!  So I guess design faults in babies is what I'm really mad about.  Why the hell make them so loud?  Why so screamy?  Why so frigging loud..oh yeah done that one but still....WHY???
Tabitha seemed like a normal baby this morning and it wasn't until lunch that she decided to 'lose it' and start thrashing about like an extra from the exorcist whilst screaming at the top of her lungs.  Having reassured myself that the windows were closed and so no neighbours would shortly be calling the police about the murder they probably thought was taking place in our house, I danced around the front room with her trying to figure out how and why she had suddenly turned into demon child!
Just then my phone launched into Grease's 'We go together' (special ring tone I know) and she shut up and then looked at me and laughed.  WTF!!  What on earth was that all about?  Grateful for the silence (my ears were bleeding by this point), I decided it was a minor aberration, a blip if you will and that we would pretend it never happened.  However, the silence was short lived and she screamed on and off (mostly on and mostly at about a million decibels) until she went to bed at 7pm!

So, although a rant about my daughter would be justified, I think I am more angry that I could not figure out what was wrong with her.  We can't communicate (much and with any real understanding) yet and therefore it's mostly a guessing game with babies.  Are we the only species that doesn't know what the hell is wrong when their young cries or screams??  It's a design fault and a half surely?  James Kimmel, Ph.D. would agree with me as seen by his views below....

The human infant is a helpless creature at birth. He is virtually immobile, he cannot creep, walk, or speak, and is greatly limited in his ability to act with purpose. Unlike other primates, he cannot even hold on to or cling to his mother. He must be carried if he is to go from one place to another. Seventy-five per cent of his brain develops after birth. He cannot continue to live without the efforts of another human. He requires years of development before he can care for himself. A baby's helplessness and immature development requires a source of care. Nature has provided a source to match this need – the human mother.

So if mums are provided as the source to match the babies need then shouldn't we be better at it?  Shouldn't we immediately know what it wrong with our children at all times, shouldn't we know why they scream for no apparent reason and then shut up when they hear a classic tune!! I don't think I'm an amazing mother but I certainly don't think I'm too bad at it either and I like to think I would know if something was wrong with either or my children but today I simply had no clue as to what was wrong with Tabitha.  Does this mean I'm flawed in some basic way, or Tabitha is or is it simply a design fault of babies as I would think?  Why make something so helpless and let's face it useless (they can't even hoover till their two - Jake is starting to make inroads into mopping too ha ha) and then provide it with only a scream to get its point across?  It's a mystery to me!!
Animals seem to know what their offspring need without much interaction.  They can interact at a much earlier stage and manage to teach their offspring how to survive in a few years (something I'm still learning at 31).  So why are we as a species so slow to develop?  I know babies smile as a defense mechanism at around 6 weeks old (Tabitha smiled constantly at Jake who tried to  - unsuccessfully thank god - maim her as he was so jealous), but they don't very often smile at you whilst they are screaming and that's the bit when you could throw them out of a window!  3am, no sleep for about 2 years and a full on screaming baby and I'm sorry but  no smile in sight!!  It's ridiculous that it's their only defense mechanism.  Why are they made so small, helpless, fragile and yet with what is without doubt the loudest frigging voice known the world over!
When Tabitha was born she screamed in the labour ward as she was having a poo.  I could not console her and as I commented to Andy afterwards "I didn't know what to do, she sounded like a goat stuck in a hedge!"  Now I know what your thinking, what on earth does a goat stuck in a hedge sound like?  No idea, but I imagine the frustration and anger is of similar proportions!!  Besides which after 24 hours in labour and an emergency caesarean I had no clue what I was talking about! 
Jake was similar and screamed so hard sometimes I thought he would pop!  He was less determined than Tabitha though and was often easily distracted.  So why would babies be made so angry, can't they understand when I tell them I'm on the case, making them a bottle of milk as we speak?  Apparently not!  And so back to the case of why not?  Who on earth would design them this way.  Some others feel these design faults argue against the very existence of a God....
"the dysteleological argument, asking how intelligent design can account for the faults and imperfections in the natural world that would seem to cast doubt on the wisdom or benevolence of the designer".
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/daylightatheism/2009/08/cfac-dysteleology/

So I'm obviously not the only one to think that this is a problem.  You would think that with so-called designer babies someone could have come up with a better line of communication.  I think I would happily swap choosing their eye or hair colour if I was paying for a designer baby (which I would never do actually but anyway) for some sort of signal which would tell me what my baby wanted to keep it happy and contented rather than small, dark and furious!!  So my rant is reaching its conclusion (by this I mean I'm starting to fall asleep face down on my laptop and dribble on my keypad) so I will leave it at this....babies are our future as a species, for a species to continue they need to evolve, surely someone should mention this to babies??  FR.

Day Twelve;
I am having a mini rant today.  Nothing has made me (as Letitia from the Valleys would say) fuming, tamping, raging!  I am just mildly annoyed.  Slugs you see are my problem....big fat, slimy slugs and the devastation they have wreaked upon my flowers!
I'm not green-fingered by nature you see, some might go so far as to say they have seen me cowering indoors hiding from flies and bugs.  However, since moving back to Hereford in May I have made a special effort to look after the garden (well mow once a week and I may even have trimmed my bushes in the front garden!)  I have also taken to planting a few flowers as Jake loves helping in the garden.  
We have potted three hanging baskets, a double butterfly planter and an old sink between us.

However, now we have a problem....slugs!  They have eaten one of my flowers  (the pink star like one in the middle above - incidentally this was my favourite - bastards!) and they might come back for more!  Sob!!  My dad suggested putting salt or slug pellets down like he does but he clearly does not have a 2 year old to contend with who will eat just about anything he finds (we are still trying to wean him off fluff!)  I think the hanging baskets will be ok (see below) but not sure if I will have to stay up till the small hours to fend off slugs with some sort of slug swatter (like a fly swatter but for slugs).

So what are the point of slugs then?  What do they do except steal snails shells when they're not looking ha!  I don't think they have a purpose do they, in the grand scheme of things?  Actually I'm wrong, they do!  Just googled it and apparently.....

Slugs are snail-like mollusks with no shells or very small shells. They have voracious appetites and will eat garden plants and crops as well as other vegetation, especially seedlings and tender plants.  However, slugs do provide some ecological benefits. They are a food source for many animals and they break down organic matter, which is important for recycling nutrients, such as nitrogen, through the food chain. 
http://budgeting.thenest.com/ecological-benefits-slugs-31334.html

So ok they have a purpose and they don't really bother me that much, I don't find them gross or anything (I used to keep giant African land snails so I'm used to slimy creatures) but why my plants!!??  Leave my flowers alone slugs or I will be after you - me and my little gardening side kick, Jake!  FR.

Day Thirteen; (please look away now if your superstitious!)
Today's rant comes to you in a couple of strands.  It all stems from one incident but it was lots of things about said incident that fucked me off.  I had a lovely day with Jake and Tab - went for a walk around the cathedral with them both (Jake now tries to jump everywhere, very funny but quite time consuming).  I then had to pop to Halfords to get some bulbs Andy had reserved.  This was the point at which my day went downhill.
I pulled up outside Halfords, quickly realising that they had no trolleys at all for me to put kids in (see previous rant about trolleys!!) so I had to hold Tab while pulling Jake along by the hand.  All was fine, got bulbs and then left to go back to the car.  I put Tab in her car seat and dragged Jake back after he tried to run away across the car park.  I put Jake in his seat and bent down to strap him in.  All of a sudden I hear a car beeping.
As I look up I see a dick in a car (boy racer in a jumped up Ford Fiesta(nb - get a better bloody car than a Ford if you want to show it off!!!)) trying to squeeze his way through from one side of the car park to the other - through the space between my car and another one. Despite the fact that the car park is nearly empty - he has chosen to push through between two cars!  And yes he is beeping me as I'm apparently in his way!  Me putting my child in his car seat was apparently blocking his path through the car park!

I stood up, glaring, only for him to push forward making me slam the car door or lose it!  He then roared forward and parked right behind me and got out to admire his mates motorbike.  I was so frigging angry.  I stood up and said "That's not a right of way".  He looked at me like a manhole cover had jumped up and started talking.  "It's not a right of way and beeping me while I'm trying to put my children in the car is pretty stupid and disgusting".  At this point I was so angry I was shaking.  He tried to ignore me and his mate started revving his motorbike.  
Now, obviously I am annoyed about him trying to ram his bloody car between mine and the other car rather than just drive around the car park like normal people.  Obviously I am annoyed about the fact that he beeped me rather than just wait patiently if he was too stupid to drive around the car park!  BUT what really fucked me off was parking behind me to admire his mate's motorbike and listen to his mate revving it.  Oh and also the fact that he had stupid hair!
Now I'm not above admiring a nice motorbike but what is it with people listening to someone rev the engine?  It's pointless and stupid!  And he had the chaviest hair I have ever seen!  Curtains on the top, shaved underneath and dyed (badly) blond with dark roots - lush!!

These pictures are as close as I could find (well I could hardly ask him to stand still whilst I took a photo for my blog could I?) but you get the general idea.  Not only had he barged through (dick), beeped me (twat) and then parked behind me to admire a bloody bike (knobhead) he should also have been up on serious fashion charges.
What is it with this weird undercut, shaven back and sides and long curtains hair??  Didn't it go out in the 90's??  I mean I remember it from Boyzone and Westlife but surely this haircut is over?

So of all the crimes this knob committed against me it's his hair that irritated me the most.  I drove home in a rage, muttering obscenities (under my breath obviously so Jake and Tabs could not hear).  What an idiot!  I'm still massively annoyed every time I think about it now.  No one has the right to drive stupid, souped-up Ford Fiesta's recklessly and with entitlement when they have hair that stupid.  The end, finito, statement of fact!!!!  FR.


Day Fourteen;
So I've been ranting away for 2 whole weeks now - bet some of you thought I would run out of things to bang on about by now huh!  No chance and today is no different.....I have been angered in Tesco's today.  Now I do my big food shop in Tesco's every week and face the usual petty irritants (old people lingering in the pet food aisle, wonky-wheeled trolleys and sour-faced cashiers).  Today just took the biscuit!

After wheeling my two screeching offspring round the supermarket for over an hour (trying to avoid old people in every aisle - as Andy says "they don't have long to live, who cares what flavour crisps they have ha ha") I then decided I could take no more and headed to the checkout.  Every checkout had a line of shoppers waiting (impatiently in most cases) to be processed.  I joined a que and waited (also impatiently and whilst trying to stop Jake from biting Tabitha). I put all my stuff on the conveyor belt and then when it was my turn the lady cashier asked me if I needed bags.  Now, not to take advantage or anything but having lived in Wales for the past few years (where they by law charge you at least 5p for every bag you use) I still have not got to a point where I can refuse the 'free' bags.  "Yes please" I smiled and repeated myself 5 seconds later when she asked me again.  She then mumbled something about helping me with my packing and as anyone who has tried to stop one child from biting another you need all the hands and help you can get so I said "yes please" for a third time.
Now I'm not sure which part of that got mixed up, whether I did not speak clearly enough, if she was deaf and needed to turn her hearing aid up or if she just thought fuck you (I'm pretty sure it was the latter) but to suffice to say nothing helpful happened.
After catapulting my shopping down the conveyor belt as fast as was humanly possible (taking care to bang the eggs especially hard no doubt) she then stood tutting and rolling her eyes at the person behind me whilst I struggled to pack it all quickly.  We have all stood behind the annoying person who packs really slowly so I'm always conscious of getting a wriggle on with the packing but really I had no time to even get from one end of the checkout before my stuff was deposited in a heap at the other end.  

Trying to pack enough shopping for 2 adults, 2 children and 2 dogs, really quickly, whilst people are watching you and tutting and whilst your son practices his dental imprints on your daughters feet does not make for a happy mummy or a joyful shopping experience!
I feel that customer service is so lacking in this country...what is wrong with people that they can't even let you pack your bloody shopping in peace.  Why work with customers if you clearly don't like people??  I mean I know jobs are hard to come by right now and people have to take what they can get but really don't work with people if you don't like them!

 So if you work in customer service or deal with customers....please remember that the person you are dealing with might have had less than 2 hours sleep, been subjected to playgroup with many screaming children, be fighting with one hand to pack their shopping and stop their child maiming their other child with the other hand!!  #frazzledmummy.com.  FR.

Day Fifteen;
Pretentious and precocious children - product of the parent or so I thought.  I may have changed my mind today.  I have recently been searching freecycle for some good, free stuff (love freecycle its great!) and was especially happy today to be offered a box of girl's clothes and toys.  I agreed to go and pick it up at half five and after readily (and joyfully) dispatching Jake to my sister's care I popped Tabitha in the car and off I set.
I arrived at the house 25 minutes later and rang the bell.  It was at this point that I heard screaming.  Twenty seconds later the front door was flung open and I was confronted by a petulant 12 year old (I'm guessing she was twelve she could of been 13!)  "Who are you?" she demanded.  Her father appeared behind her and I smiled and explained I was off freecycle.  Ignoring me completely she screamed at her dad "What does she want?  What's she doing here?"  Awkward!!!
Her dad tried to shush her and went to get me the box of stuff leaving me with the little madam.  I tried to engage her in conversation about a picture she had painted outside but all I got was sullen child in return.  Just then her dad returned and she was off again....."Is that my stuff?....is it?....dad?......DAD?......IS IT MINE???"  I smiled at her obviously embarrassed dad before muttering my thanks and legging it down the garden path.  I made it to the safety of the car before I heard it escalate into full throttle screaming.

Now I used to see children having tantrums or screaming at their parents and think it was definitely the parents fault and they had obviously brought them up badly.  Well now I'm not so sure.  The woman who emailed me seemed perfectly pleasant today, the dad seemed nice and yet here they are with a petulant and precocious child!  So what on earth happened!  And more importantly could this happen to me too??!!
Now terror fills my veins and chills my bones at the thought of ending up with one of these 'nightmare' children.  Don't get me wrong Jake has his moments and has a tantrum now and again but not out of spite.  I can't stand the thought of people looking at me and thinking 'bad parent' as I used to when I saw a screaming child.  So who is to blame?  How do these children get to this state without some adult intervention?  Why are they allowed to be so rude?
At the risk of sounding (god forbid) like a grown up and certainly like my dad, this would never of been allowed in my day!!  If I had spoken to someone who had come to our house like that I would not have been able to sit down for a week!  I'm not advocating smacking children but clearly there needs to be some discipline if children are to respect their parents.

Supernanny suggests;

"However much you cringe when you see or hear your child being disrespectful in public, resist the temptation to correct them in front of others."

 Instead, take your child aside and describe the behaviour you disapproved of and provide guidance. For example, “I noticed you ignored the librarian when she asked you to stop talking. She seemed upset by your lack of respect. Either you can act more politely or we will have to leave story-time.” 

http://www.supernanny.co.uk/Advice/-/Parenting-Skills/-/Discipline-and-Reward/Stop-the-backchat.aspx

That's great and I get the sentiment behind the advice but what if it's your child that's screaming and showing off in public.  What then?  It's one thing to know all the 'best advice' but quite another to put it into action when your child is in meltdown and other shoppers are rolling their eyes and shaking their heads at you.  It's a braver woman than me that just smiles benignly and carries on with her shopping as if nothing has happened!

Another website suggests;

Some very nice parents have some very rude children. In fact, parents may be busy taking parenting courses and reading parenting books and doing everything in their power to learn how to be respectful and loving toward their kids. Their children, however, are not busy taking courses; they're just being "natural." When they feel upset or frustrated, they show it – by stamping their feet, yelling, crying, whining or employing any method of communication that gets the message across. In moments of intense frustration, some kids insult their parents: "You're so mean!" "I hate you!" "You don't know anything!" Some kids slam doors or phones.

http://www.chabad.org/blogs/blog_cdo/aid/1253808/jewish/Disrespectful-Children.htm

So these children are just expressing themselves, yeah ok, got that but they have to learn how to do it in a polite and respectful way surely?  I'm still not sure who is to blame (if anyone) for these petulant children.  Do we blame the parents, is it just the time old nature versus nurture debate or is it simply that I'm a nasty lady who came and took some poor kids toys away and gave them to her own children!?  Well I know how I would feel about Andy handing out my belongings to any old Tom, Dick or Harry and shouting probably wouldn't cover it!!  FR.