Day Six;
So today's blog comes to you late in the evening....apologies.  As some of you might know I have listened to my daughter scream all day and even though my ears drums are without a doubt perforated, my rant is not about Tabitha.  Having said that, due to the inconsiderate nature of children I will include a photo of her best 'screamapillar' face that has been my number one lasting memory of the day!!

So, what could possibly have annoyed me even more than being continually screamed at since 10pm last night?  Well, I will tell you!  Stupid, unnecessary and downright irritating calls from call centres, that's what!
So, in between the screaming I have been trying to sort out my finances. Having been told that £60 was not a lot of money by an extremely unhelpful lady in my bank the other day (to which I replied that it depended on whether or not you had two children, under two, in the middle of a double dip recession I suppose!), I decided to try and take control of my finances and re-shuffle a bit.  I started by trying to reduce the amount we have in outgoings and came up with a genius plan of cancelling our pet insurance with one provider and going with another (note - check for cancellation fees as lots of companies have them) thereby saving us a princely sum of £16 per month or £192 per year.  That's six and a half pairs of Clark's shoes for Jake's ever expanding feet or 13.7 bottles of Gordon's Gin from Tescos for when I finally lose the plot and begin sleeping in the car to escape the screaming (NB Kate - you bring the chocolate as agreed).

So anyway, feeling pretty happy with myself I set about restructuring our entire financial life, including getting myself a credit score to laugh, I mean, look at.  Well, until two seconds later when the phone went.  Now I'm a bit fussy about giving out our home number as people always phone when the kids are asleep (this time it managed to wake Tabs who had been asleep for 9 minutes!!!!).  Pouncing on it, I realised my monumental error was that I had given our landline number when filling in the online form for a comparison website.  Big mistake, don't do it people!
I explained to the gentleman (several times but I'm still not sure he understood; no he was not foreign just stupid) that I had decided to go with a quote I had found myself and did not need his assistance.  All this while my daughter screamed and shouted in the background.  Never mind, I thought, that's the end of it.  Oh how wrong could one, slightly too old, overweight and extremely temperamental mum be??!!  Very as it turns out!  Well, despite my continued attempts to reorganise my finances, not much else has been done as I have been phoned the grand total of six times by said comparison website to try and assist me in my search for cheap pet insurance!  By 9pm I was beginning to research RSPCA homes for dogs and wondering if I gave them away if the website company would leave me in peace!!  Only joking Monty and Digby, no one would have you!

So, what I have a problem with is, why keep phoning?  They cant be that desperate for a sale surely??  I mean its got to waste time and resources to keep ringing people back who have told you repeatedly that they are not interested!  These people are so rude too.  I think it was phone call number four, where I had started to get a wee bit irritated shall we say and explained I was no longer interested, when lo and behold, the man on the other end of the phone started laughing and hung up on me! Bastard!  I may or may not have shouted "Piss off then" at the phone at this point (don't worry kids were asleep (MIRACLE) by then).  I just don't get why no information is ever communicated in these companies.  I know its a large organisation but really just write a note on the account or something and save the company the cost of the call.  This is where I get annoyed AGAIN about people not doing what they are paid to do!  I know these jobs are tedious (believe me I used to work for BT, I know its boring), however, its the job you are being payed for, take some pride in your work, suck it up and get on with it!
Anyway off to rest my tired ears and hopefully not be awoken at random times of the night by screaming or the phone ringing...really someone will feel my wrath if that happens!  I'm not sure Hereford is ready for that level of anger.  My advice on this subject is give your mobile number when using these comparison websites, put your mobile on silent and don't even look at it again for 3 weeks, by which time it should be safe :).  FR

Day Seven;
Ok peeps we have made it to day seven and we have come full circle...I'm back to ranting (in full force, with the windows open) about other drivers.  So after another night of no sleep, I have another shocking headache, my lovely husband agrees to take both kids to music group so I can have a lie down in a dark room.  All went swimmingly and I was even starting to feel a bit better, until Andy came home and calmly imported the news that someone had just rear ended him (and not even in a comical way!).
So apparently Andy had attempted a 3 point turn in the road and a knob driving a landrover coming speeding down the road (in a 30 zone - yes I know its slow and annoying but the limits are there for a reason people) had to slam on the brakes to let him complete the maneuver.  Andy then drove to the end of the road and stopped at a junction to let a car go past on the connecting road.  This is when said knob drove straight into the back of my lovely car (thats right, its my car, sob).  He then proceeded to tell Andy his foot slipped (what out of your mouth asshole - didn't we stop using oops my hand slipped in secondary school??)  He did not ask if Andy or any of the other people in the car (my sister, her 10 week old baby and both our kids) were ok and just said he would contact the insurance company like he usually did!  What, hang on a minute?!!  Like he usually did, I may have screamed, how on earth do these  people get insurance if they are continually driving like maniacs and endangering the lives of others??  I am furious, not least because I have now had to spend nearly forty minutes on the phone trying to sort out a replacement car with the insurance company and will have the pleasure of having to drive both kids to Worcester to pick up hire car and drop off our car and then spend about an hour trying to figure out how to install both kids car seats into hire car no doubt!!
I cant believe that there is not more punishment for someone who quite obviously drives so recklessly and so often that he is used to handing his insurance details out.  I hope his future insurance payments knobble him that's all I can say!  There needs to be some sort of punishment for these minor offences otherwise the amount of deaths by dangerous driving will surely increase.  Have managed to 'borrow' the table (see below) from another website to show top three causes of death in all age groups.  Which one is consistently 'up there', yep that's right, motor vehicle accidents!



The same website explains that the chances of you being involved in an accident is one every ten years!  Scary!!  Now, I know some accidents are just that .... accidents.  However, judging from what Andy had told me this reprobate obviously could not care less that he has crashed again, nor that it was a car which had three babies in it!  I'm glad in a way it was Andy that it happened to otherwise I think my not punching rule for the week would have gone out of the window!  For pics of damage please see below, for future safety of you and others PLEASE take care when driving!!

Not sure how well you can see from photos but large-ish dent in boot and has taken paint off.  Tell you what mate next time your 'foot slips' so will mine and where it lands wont be very pleasant for you.  FR.

Day Eight;
After yesterday's tirade, a quick update - bloke phoned last night to tell us not to go through the insurers, no apology still, no checking if kids were ok, just to tell us that he would pay cash for any damage.  "Too late" Andy informed him - my hero!!  The bloke put the phone down - ha ha ha!!  Knob!!
So today's little rant is about arguments then.  Arguments in general (and more specifically the ones you have with your other half - even if they are your hero for standing up to dickheads!)  This morning saw yet another  dawn chorus of screams from our beloved children (they obviously take after me and don't like getting up - my advice to them would be to sleep past 5am then!)  Andy had finally reached boiling point and my week of feeling progressively ill culminated in me trying not to throw up whilst making Tab's bottle.
In times of extreme pressure and stress what do we do...yes that's right...take it out on each other!  And my problem with arguments is this - they are a waste of time and effort.  We invariably end up going round and round in circles until we reach the same conclusion, we are not mad at each other, just knackered and fed up!  Andy says its a process we have to go through but I say that process can do one #feckoffprocess!
So today's argument was not awful, there was very little name calling, no biting, pinching or smacking and no lasting damage to our marriage.  BUT, it was totally physically, emotionally and mentally draining.  Not to mention boring, yes boring.  Who wants to go round and round in predictive circles all the bloody time, getting no where and just saying things you know will wind the other person up!  Its soooooo boring!
I can understand why it happens, I can understand the need to 'go through the process' as Andy says and I can see that its helpful to clear the air.  I would just rather step outside (like in the Westerns) and fight it out - not very ladylike I know but then to badly and probably inaccurately quote Marilyn Monroe 'I never said I was a lady!'
So to quote website (http://www.divorcepeers.com/stats29.htm) you must have some negativity in your marriage to survive and I agree with this but with divorce statistics reaching an all time high and especially in Britain according to the Daily Mail, (yes ok, I agree it's probably nonsense then!), I really think we should be focusing our energy on something more worthwhile and less time consuming.  If I had my way it would have been a quick fight, once around the car port and back to the bar (ok kitchen sink but that doesn't work for my western theme does it!).  As it was two hours later, we have kissed and made up (when I say kissed, I mean grudgingly apologised to each other and decided we are both too knackered to prolong any hard feelings).....seriously with kids who has the energy for a good, pull no punches fight???  So arguments then, I could take them or leave them...well I could if I didn't have a husband!  Love you Andy.  FR

Day Nine;
Today's rant comes to you after a day of hilarious discoveries and downright appalling lies.  False advertising is the name of the game!  Earlier in the day I had been looking on ebay for wooden alphabet letters to stick on the kids bedroom door and came across one listing advertising a half price sale.  Good news, if like me you are financially as well as vertically challenged!  So I quickly logged onto ebay and perused the selection of letters.  Now I'm not a genius by any standards...however, even I'm pretty sure you cant make many kids names out of B, C, J, I, M, R, V, W, X, and Z!!  How about Viv or Jim....these seem to be the only two I can see easily, what about you?  So who on earth is selling these random letters...no wonder they were half price!  And yes I do know that the other letters were probably more popular (as Andy helpfully pointed out) but how can you sell the other less popular letters when  you cant make any names out of them!!  They were all the same style and so could not easily buy the other (popular) letters from elsewhere either.

Having decided I would get Tabs a name plate instead (!!) I then packed up hubby and kids and headed to town having an unexpected afternoon free.  We parked by the duck pond, admired the ducks and squirrels (until a squirrel got a bit too close to Jake who started screaming) and then we turned to find a man talking to us from his electric car!  "Smells round here doesn't it" he said.  Now I cant decide whether he genuinely thought it smelled  - although I couldn't smell anything - or whether he was being rude so I just smiled at him. It was then that I registered that he was talking to me from the smallest and weirdest car I have ever seen.  Trying not to stare at the strange-mobile I was then surprised as the man jumped out and smoothing down his comb over, leapt over the bonnet of said vehicle and sauntered off into town laughing to himself.  His t-shirt as I stared at his departing back said 'rebel riders'.  Andy and I burst into simultaneous laughter and you will realise why when I show you what exactly he was driving - see below.

Electric and efficient it may be this Renault Twizy Coupe but rebel rider it is not!!  Andy muttering twizy off to himself we headed away from the car and into town.
My final add injury to insult moment of false advertising today comes in the form of my dinner or lack of it!  I had bought a jar of make at home M&S (and I quote 'terribly clever') Biryani paste.  On the side of the jar it states simply fry paste and add chicken, rice and vegetables.  Easy peasy or so I thought!  I peeled off label - obviously not something you could do before you buy the jar, well not without being told off by a security guard anyway - only to be confronted by a list of ingredients needed for biryani including coriander and basmati rice (ok maybe I should of known it needed this stuff but I didn't).

So anyway having tried to cobble this bloody biryani together the result was shall we say less than appetising - full of water and sludge coloured.  Not like any biryani I have ever had or will have actually!!!  Andy managed to eat some of it gallantly I feel but it was without a doubt one of the worst meals I have ever cooked.  It was not simple and it was definitely not 'terribly clever'!!!  Just one more example of bad advertising today!!

So, today has had some highs (#lovingrebelriders) and some lows (see above photo!) and they have all come about as a result of bad advertising.  People stop misrepresenting seriously!!  I cant take it!!  That's it I'm off to bed to sleep (if my rumbling belly does not keep me awake!).  FR.

Day Ten;
Right, after a sleepless (thanks Jake) night and a hot, sunny morning in Hereford I have decided day ten should be a rant about something I find really annoying.  This is not politically correct and I'm sure many of you ladies out there will think I'm ranting out of order and should pipe down.  However, there has only been one thing today that's annoyed me (if you don't count having to get out of bed 6 times in the night to see to Jake!) and that's being a woman, me and women in general.
Ok feminism has its place and has had (I believe) its day.  |Things are indeed a damn sight more equal in the workplace, there is not much Andy could do that I couldn't and speaking from experience I could definitely take him in a fight (play fight of course - we have not yet resorted to slapping each other about but come see me in year 6 of marriage and I'll let you know).  So what on earth have I got to moan about.  Well, lots actually and you know me by now I love a good moan!
I woke up feeling pants (well so would you after 2 hours sleep) and realised that to top it all off I had period pains (TMI sorry).  I hate this time of month - its not only the inconvenience (having to buy sanitary towels at 2am because you forgot to get them when you did the weekly shop is a treasured memory not!) but the unpleasantness of it all, especially in this heat.  I feel ropey, I look worse, I have spots, I'm bloated and to top it all off I am losing blood.  Everybody takes this  bit for granted and sorry for the gross bit but if Andy suddenly started bleeding out of his arm every month I doubt he would be expected to simply take a pain killer and crack on!  I imagine he would be sent home from work, having been lavished with attention and well wishes and then expect to kick back and relax.  The following picture is to the point and a bit minging but sums it up perfectly......

I'm not squeamish, I don't have a problem with blood but having said that I do not relish my monthly period! It's a problem we have no choice in, have to face, and are expected to get on with (whilst doing the other million things we already planned to do that day).

 Q: Why do women have periods? A: Because they deserve them. 

Q: How do you blind a woman? A: You put a windshield in front of her. 

A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad. 

Q: Why is life like a penis? A: Women make it hard! 

Q: What's the difference between a knife and a woman arguing? A: a knife has a point. 

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/dirtyjokes/womenjokes.html
Now the other thing that really bugs me about being a  woman is feminism, yep, you heard me.  I for one am sad that men don't open doors for me (very often) or buy me flowers (unless they were reduced) or lift things  that I'm quite capable of lifting just because I'm the little woman and shouldn't have to struggle with it.  I would love to stay home full time and not feel that as soon as the kids are old enough I have to go back to work (whilst still juggling all the household chores - ok I'm exaggerating here as Andy is a legend and helps me a LOT - but still, it happens to people I know).  I'm not saying that I don't appreciate what Emily Pankhurst did for women and that I don't enjoy the freedom I have to drive and vote etc because I do, its just that I wonder sometimes whether its gone too far??
I hate the attitude that we have to do everything a man does otherwise we are not embracing our full potential - guess what my full potential includes getting looked after by Andy once in a while and having someone else take the bins out!  Women who rant on and on about how useless men are and how we can do everything they can do ourselves and better are on a par, to my mind, with sexist men!

It's funny to laugh at men and sometimes, like women, they are tools.  BUT and this is the big one...some men are wankers and I could definitely outstrip them for intelligence and strength BUT the exact same could be said about some women!  I have encountered nightmare driving over the past week and a half and it has been some women drivers, some men.  I have mown the lawn (man job), cleared up dog poo (definitely man job), cooked meals (women's job) and hoovered (actually exactly the same as mowing but somehow considered women's job due to location!).  So what I'm trying to say is that whilst I appreciate some things feminism has done for me, on the whole I still think I would prefer to be a bloke.
This is a radical, feminist view in my opinion but I do agree with the last couple of sentences.....

 Plenty of gender-normative women seem willing to accept what society dishes out because “after all, it goes with the territory.” These women usually insist that the benefits of being women—being sought after sexually, protected and supported, able to have children, and not having to work—far outweigh the possible deficits—being abused sexually, controlled and mistreated, left high and dry when they become pregnant, and not being able to find meaningful work that pays well.

A woman who refuses to call herself a feminist is one divorce or beating away from becoming one. Everything’s fine as long as she gets to be the star of her perfect little life. But when reality sets in, when she experiences the negative side of being female, when she wakes up and realizes that men get a larger share of the pie than women do, then she may begin to wonder if being a woman is all that it’s cracked up to be.

One in six women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. Women get poorer after a divorce than men do. Women still bear the greater share of the burden of housework and child-rearing, even if they work as many hours outside of the home as their husbands and boyfriends do. Women are the ones who get pregnant, who work at lower-paying jobs, who are seen as easy prey by rapists and murderers. Women are treated like sex objects, trafficked into sexual slavery, and made into whores.

Why would anyone in their right mind choose to be a woman?

Of course most women don’t have a choice. But if they could choose, if they could have a do-over, would they still want to be born female?

http://www.femagination.com/3238/is-being-a-woman-all-that-its-cracked-up-to-be/

Indeed, who on earth would choose to have periods, get pregnant (don't even get me started on that - its a whole different rant!), be put under pressure by so-called feminists to achieve workplace equality with men whilst simultaneously running a home and rearing children, have to make sure you have no tan lines, vpl etc in public, undertake hours of personal grooming so people don't chant 'hairy mary' at you in the street (Hugh Jackman (mmmmm) does not seem to have any problems does he??!!) or check before you leave the house that your shoes definitely go with your dress (Andy sometimes checks he is wearing shoes before he leaves!)

Studying the above (highly scientific) diagrams I think we can all see the benefits of becoming men!  I think they seem to have an easier time of it to be quite honest and i would love to cash in on that, anti-feminist or not I'm afraid!!  I think I could manage to take the bins out and put the toilet seat down (this does not actually bother me in any way - strange I know) if I could swap them for periods and child rearing!  It's not all bad news though ladies as you can quite clearly see from the picture below, we definitely have our uses........!!  FR.