So I feel that this would be a good time to restate a few things. I have had a few comments about the nature of this blog and I thought maybe some people did not quite understand what I was trying to do. So I will summarise it again...just to be clear.
My name is Gemma and I am 31. I am a full-time mum (to two year old Jacob and nine month old Tabitha) and housewife (this is a choice that my husband and I have made and it involves some sacrifices financially but is something we both feel is right for us and our family). I used to be an RE teacher (secondary school and very briefly) and we have lived in a few different places before settling back in my hometown of Hereford.
I am writing this blog, mainly for me. I find it a good way to reflect on the nature of my day, things that have happened and my life experiences. It is not for anybody else...it is to help me stress less about silly things that don't really matter, by writing them down and having a laugh about them. It is not intended to be a great work of literature or full of earth-shatteringly new ideas, thoughts or feelings. If it makes you laugh and you like to read it then great, if not, don't read it that would be my advice!
I will (hopefully and time-willing) be aiming to write a post a day and ranting about something that has annoyed me during that day (it's not always something awful and it does not always upset me that much but hence the name Furious Ranter, it will be a rant. Some of you will find that depressing.....that's ok, you can just ignore my blog and carry on with your life.)
Ok so now we have cleared that up.....lets commence with day thirty six and children's parties. So we have been invited to a second birthday party tomorrow and while I am excited to go as I think it will be a good one there is always a little bit of trepidation as it might end up being one of the bad ones. By one of the bad ones I mean one where the mum (and sometimes dad) think it's ok to spend an obscene amount of money on their on or two year old child who will most likely never remember the day and when told about it in their teenage years grunt and sidle off to the safety of their bedroom. I know maybe I'm being a bit of a killjoy here but I just can't see the point!! Why do little, tiny children need a horse to ride, a bouncy castle in their garden, a children's entertainer, a cake that cost more than a wedding cake and a million presents!!
So this sort of thing leads to spoilt brat syndrome ...... (read below to see if your guilty of spoiling your child)
So how can you tell if you’re spoiling? Read on to learn 10 common mistakes parents make that can allow a child to become spoiled. If some of these sound familiar, don’t worry — it’s never too late to change course.
1. Making Your Child the Center of the World
Making your child’s wishes the top priority in every circumstance teaches her that the world revolves around her. This could prevent her from learning to consider other people’s needs and desires, says Susan Buttross, MD, chief of the Division of Child Development and Behavioral Pediatrics at the University of Mississippi Medical Center. “Children need to understand give and take,” she tells WebMD. “When take is the only function they know, they tend to be frustrated.”
2. Ignoring Positive Behavior
Today’s busy parents may not notice when children play quietly or stay out of trouble. If you never let them know when you are pleased, Karp says, you miss the opportunity to reinforce positive behavior.
3. Accidently Rewarding Negative Behavior
Karp tells WebMD many parents make the mistake of simultaneously ignoring the positive and rewarding the negative. If you only notice your kids when they whine and cry, you send the message that tantrums and tears are the best way to get your attention.
4. Failing to put Clear Limits on Your Child’s Behavior
If you don’t set and enforce guidelines for good behavior, Buttross says, you’re likely to raise a child who is rude, uncooperative, and disrespectful. Karp adds that young kids are uncivilized by nature — part of your job as a parent is to teach social virtues, such as patience and respect.
5. Not Enforcing Rules Consistently
While some parents fail to set limits, others set “mushy or inconsistent” ones, Karp says. This occurs when you tell your kids, “Don’t do that,” but allow them to do it anyway. Examples of inconsistent limits are allowing your toddler to play with his food on some days but not on others or allowing an older child to violate her curfew when you just can’t muster the energy to fight about it. If you don’t enforce rules consistently, you give your child the message that they’re really not that important. And of course what you really want to teach your child is the opposite.
6. Picking Fights You Can’t Win
“You can win the battle of not giving your child candy,” Karp says, so no-candy rules are worth upholding. But there are many other standards that are much harder to enforce — such as making your child eat broccoli. “They can close their mouths or spit it out,” Karp points out. In cases like this, you are destined to lose the battle before it begins. And unfortunately, the consequences of this loss go far beyond wasted broccoli — picking fights you can’t win proves to your kids that they can defy you and get away with it.
7. Not Holding Your Child Accountable
Refusing to hold your child accountable when he does something wrong sends the message that he never makes a mistake, Buttross says. This teaches your child to blame others whenever problems arise. Instead, teach your child the importance of taking responsibility for his own actions and then user firm boundaries to make sure he does so.
8. Giving Your Child Gifts for the Wrong Reasons
What you buy your children is not as important as why, Peters tells WebMD. She cautions against making “unreasonable” purchases, such as buying your child a new bike because she is bored with the one you bought her a few months ago.
Another common mistake is buying out of guilt, Karp says. When a child makes a pitiful face or says, “You’re the worst mother in the world,” this is not the time to buy a gift. Allowing yourself to be manipulated won’t do your kid any favors. She may get what she wants, but her joy will be diminished in knowing that you bought the gift because she goaded you into it.
9. Giving in to Temper Tantrums
Relenting when your child throws a temper tantrum is an extreme form of rewarding negative behavior. It proves to kids that they can get whatever they want by throwing a fit — which is not how things work in the real world. “If you throw a temper tantrum as an adult, bad things happen,” Peters points out.
10. Acting Like a Spoiled Child Yourself
How you interact with your family serves as a model for how your children will behave with others, Karp says. “If you whine and complain in front of [your kids], they will emulate that.” He says the proverb has it right — “They do what you do, not what you say.”
Spoiled for Life
Spoiling has consequences that go beyond the immediate trouble of managing an unruly, spoiled child. It sets up patterns that can last a lifetime.
“Probably one of the greatest disadvantages that spoiled children face is the fact that they have not learned to work for something that they really want,” Buttross tells WebMD. “There is no work ethic, no lesson to really strive for something.”
Since spoiled people get what they want through manipulation, they develop “a dysfunctional way of relating to people,” Karp says. “Those habits can take 10 years of therapy to break.”
Ok so I am definitely guilty of number 3, 9 and 10 - go on admit it - you do some of them too!! But I still believe in trying to limit my children believing they are the centre of the bloody universe and they are entitled to grand parties and unlimited treats. Otherwise where do you stop?? Read on to what happens if you can't stop............
At just 11, is Brogan the most SPOILT child in Britain?
Little princess: Brogan decked out in head to toe labels
Given that Brogan Mackay was born with not so much a silver spoon as a £25 Burberry designer dummy in her mouth, it is perhaps no surprise that she is growing up with rather expensive tastes.
In 11 short years she has graduated from £180 white Gucci loafers, bought by her mother, Alison, before Brogan could even toddle, to £475 Jimmy Choo sandals, and now has a wardrobe stuffed with designer outfits and handbags to match.
It will not surprise you to learn that her role models are such luminaries as Paris Hilton, Katie Price and sexually provocative pop star Lady GaGa, whose choice of outfit often consists of knickers and little else. Brogan, remember, is just 11, and has just finished primary school.
On top of all these designer purchases is the cost of Brogan’s make-up, nail extensions, hair highlights and the fake tanning sessions - paid for by the bank of Mum and Dad.
The total amount her parents have lavished on her over the past 11 years is in excess of £150,000 - enough to put towards a much bigger home than the three-bedroom flat in Glasgow where Alison, 28, a part-time pharmacy dispenser and hairdresser lives with Brogan’s father Stephen, 28, a supervisor at a plumbers’ merchants, and their younger daughter, Carys, aged five.
‘When I think of all the money we have spent on Brogan over the years, even I can’t believe it. Her first outfit as a newborn was Baby Dior,’ says Alison, who appears to equate love with lavishing consumer goods on her firstborn.
‘She is spoilt, probably the most spoilt child in Britain. She has everything she needs but I just can’t stop.
Whenever I see anything nice I think “Oh, Brogan would like that.” ’
While Brogan is clad in designer labels, Alison says she can only afford to dress herself and the rest of the family in High Street brands.
While Brogan is clad in designer labels, Alison says she can only afford to dress herself and the rest of the family in High Street brands.
What cash flow problem? Brogan with her new credit card
‘She has 35 pairs of designer shoes and because her feet are still growing, sometimes she only wears them once before they’re too small. When I see the bin-liners full of shoes, ready to take to the charity shop, I do think “What a waste.”’
And if that was not worrying enough, Mum and Dad have also provided Brogan with her very own credit card, which they keep topped up with between £200 and £400 a month, so she can carry on learning about the value of money, by spending their hard-earned cash in their absence.
Half of Alison and Stephen’s £30,000 joint income goes on Brogan, and for her 11th birthday they splashed out by spending £2,000 on a stretch limo in which Brogan and ten of her friends - all dressed in pink - drove around Glasgow sipping nonalcoholic champagne.
Brogan’s birthday present was a pedigree West Highland Terrier, which goes by the name ‘Barbie’. Small dogs are all the rage amongst the famous-for-simply-being-famous celebs, such as idol Paris Hilton.
Oh, and did we forget to mention Brogan has her very own ironing lady, who takes away all those designer clothes and returns them, every week, perfectly pressed?
Mum Alison pays for that, too, while pressing her own and Stephen’s clothes.
Can’t Brogan iron her own things? ‘I’m frightened to let her near the iron in case she burns herself,’ says Alison, who in her rather warped parental landscape, can’t see that all this needless, expensive pampering might be far more damaging.
Chalk and cheese: Brogan at eight with her younger sister Carys, who has no interest in designer clothes
‘Some other mothers don’t approve. When friends from school come to play, their mothers will say “My daughter didn’t have a clue about designer labels until she saw all Brogan’s things, now she wants them too”,’ says Alison.
‘But that’s why Brogan is seen as the coolest girl in school and at parents’ evenings teachers are always telling us that she is the ringleader in any group. All the girls look up to her.’
What a comforting thought for other mothers trying to instill in their children values which have nothing to do with consumerism.
It has reached the stage where Brogan, brought up with an ingrained sense of entitlement, will throw a tantrum when she does not get exactly what she wants, even though, in other respects, there is an ordinary, caring, innocent little girl desperate to get out.
But perhaps the most disturbing aspect of allowing Brogan to become so totally immersed in a celebrity culture is that the latest thing she craves is a boob job.
She has told her mother she would like to become a glamour model and is already pestering her for surgery.
However, considering how Alison has caved in to almost every one of Brogan’s demands, one doubts her ability to say ‘no’ to her daughter. ‘I keep telling her she’s only 11 and that her figure will develop when she’s older and there’s plenty of time,’ says Alison.
‘I’d love her to become famous, because that’s all she talks about, but it does worry me that she’s now talking about glamour modelling,’ says Alison. ‘She doesn’t really understand the sleazy side of it all because she’s only 11. All she sees is the money, the fame, the nice lifestyle and the parties.
‘I try to tell her that money doesn’t grown on trees. A friend of hers recently got a job doing a paper round and I suggested to Brogan she might like to do the same, but she just said “No chance.”
‘She wants to be a model, nothing else. She wants to be a somebody. She wants the lifestyle.’
And if she doesn’t make it, you know who’s going to be paying for it, in more ways than one.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1205122/At-just-11-Brogan-SPOILT-child-Britain.html#ixzz2aBVDUXOj
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OMG and WTF!!! I definitely don't want my two thinking they are entitled to anything they don't work for and so I won't be holding lavish birthday parties fit for the new future King in our house. They will have to make do with a few balloons and a cake made by Aunty Rachel (and lovely it was too yum yum!!) So if you spoil your child be warned you too could end up with a 'Brogan' #nightmare FR.
Day Thirty Seven;
Morning peeps!! Hope your all enjoying the weekend. I would be but ....yes...I definitely feel a rant coming on. Holiday companies eh? Why do they do it to us? We spend ages looking for the right holiday at the right price, we go through all the gumpf online and then they ring to say the cost has gone up actually as the flights have gone up! WHAT?? Why not put the right prices on the website then or is that too weird? No I'm assured confidently (by a small boy who is obviously playing at having a Saturday job) that would be silly as the prices aren't live. Oh right....silly me!
So I'm left facing the options of a) start again and try and find a holiday cheaper elsewhere, b) go to an actual travel agent and pay an exorbitant amount for the privilege (not really an option) or c) face defeat and book with the company and the ten year old boy. I caved I admit it, I booked. I could not face the internet or high street trawl again and I want to go on holiday damn it!!
So why on earth are the prices not correct on the websites - surely they could have someone checking and changing those prices?? There I have created a job post without meaning too......economy you can thank me later!!
Looks like I'm not the only one these companies are messing about......
My wife and I looked on various websites for a cheap holiday for the two of us and our two children. We found a good deal for a holiday to Fuerteventura which was fairly cheap, but not ridiculously so. As such we booked it. The details on the email confirmation mention the flight out, the flight back and the hotel accomodation. It specifically states that there is no transfer included, which suits us as we always hire a car for our independence.
Late this afternoon I received a call from a representative of the holiday company stating that there had been a mistake on their websites and that the flights were not included in the price. He said if we still want the holiday we need to pay more money, which in effect more than doubles the cost of the holiday. He said I could have time to think about it and pretty much pressured me in to contacting him again tomorrow.
As far as I am concerned, they made the mistake. I booked a holiday at a certain price. The flights are on the email confirmation. Can they charge me extra like this? The cost of the flights obviously hasn't changed, but they obviously, (and they have admitted so), made a mistake and didn't charge us for them.
Now we could just walk away and have a refund, but we were looking forward to this holiday and I don't feel I should have to walk away. I thought companies had to honour the price at point of sale. Do I have a right to demand the holiday at the price we booked it at? What was a good deal, with their price hike, way more expensive than their competitors.
So why oh why don't they sort it out. Come on people, we are in a double dip recession and the last thing you need to be doing is alienating people/customers surely? Common sense anyone?? However, I guess in most cases (yep me included) people will just give in and agree the extra money as they can't be bothered with the hassle. May be it's time to take a stand? Maybe but I would probably rather have a sit down on a sun lounger in the sun, near a pool, cocktail in hand. mmmmmmmmm cocktails!!
If you too want a good, last minute holiday, Times travel has some good advice;
Summer holidays: how to find a last-minute bargain
More and more holidaymakers are leaving their planning until a few days before departure. But how do you get the most out of bookings when time is ticking?
Searches for holidays peak about two to three weeks before the main school holidays Photo: AP
By Nick Trend
3:03PM BST 13 May 2013
1 Comment
Have you booked your summer holiday? If not, you are one of a rapidly growing number of people who are shunning the traditional booking rush in January and February and waiting until the last minute – often the very last minute – to try to find something. But are you doing the right thing? Maybe not. Here is my guide to late booking.
What's happening?
Travel companies have been reporting the growing trend of later and later booking for several years now. But because so many people now research and/or book their holidays online (80 per cent of Britons use the internet to research their travel, according to Google), it is possible for all of us to see exactly when the late booking surges are happening (see google.com/trends).
What is really surprising is just how late many people are leaving it. Searches for holidays peak about two to three weeks before the main school holidays – especially in early July, but also just before Easter and around now, a couple of weeks before the Whitsun half-term break.
Why so late?
A combination of factors has come into play. People don't feel as well-off as they did a few years ago, and most are much less secure in their jobs than they used to be, and so are nervous about making commitments too far ahead. We may also decide not to take a holiday, and then change our minds at the last moment. But access to price and information provided by the internet also seems to give people confidence that they are more in control of the situation, and that they can always find a last-minute bargain, or at least some availability, if only they look hard enough.
Are you missing out or getting a bargain?
In some senses, the sheer power of the internet does give you more control. But, while you certainly have a good chance of finding the cheapest available deal, if you want to travel at peak times it is highly unlikely to cost less than it would have, had you booked six months earlier.
Here is an example. Three weeks before departure, I tried to find the cheapest possible flight to the sun departing from a London airport on May 25, the first Saturday of the school half-term holiday. On the Thomson website, there were 197 holidays left, starting at £526 per person for a budget self-catering apartment in Rhodes. For departures a week later, after the schools have gone back, Thomson listed 390 holidays, from £268. And the same holiday in Rhodes cost £381.
Obvious, you might say. School holidays have always been more expensive. But it isn't only the price that is significant. If you want a good holiday, you need a decent amount of choice, too. Booking late outside school holidays is no problem. In this case, there were nearly 400 holidays to choose from in early June, and many of them were very competitively priced. But for the growing number of people who are booking their peak-time family holidays at the last minute, it is not such a rosy picture. Here is how to make a better fist of it.
Ten-point booking plan
1. Get ahead of the rush
Don't book late for travel and accommodation in the school holiday unless you really have to. And if you do, start looking at least six weeks before departure, rather than just two or three. That way you will be one step ahead of most other late bookers.
2. Avoid the peak
If you have to travel in the school holidays, consider travelling in the Whitsun week or the second half of August, when demand is not as high as at Easter or in July.
3. Ignore 'savings' and promotions...
Don't be distracted by supposed price cuts. The "original" price of a holiday is virtually meaningless nowadays, because prices are shifting all the time to reflect supply and demand. It is the bottom-line cost that counts, which is why you should…
4. ...check what is included in the price
You can't compare prices unless you know what is included in the quote. In-flight meals, resort transfers, breakfast, half board – all are elements that were once included as standard in many package holidays, but are now charged as extra. On the other hand, the rise of all-inclusive holidays can mean exceptionally good value – especially for families who want to keep a tight control on their costs.
5. Search the right sites
There is no magic shortcut to finding a holiday at the last minute. Some price comparison websites – travelsupermarket.com, for example – do allow you to compare what is on offer. But holiday accommodation is not a standardised widget, like a seat on a plane. And it is very hard to be sure that you are comparing like with like. Your best bet is to think about what sort of holiday you want – luxury villa, cheap and cheerful apartment, French country cottage, camping and so on – and go to the website of the operators that specialise in that sort of holiday. All have some sort of late availability page, which you are unlikely to find on a price-comparison site.
See our 2013 holiday booking guides for a list of the best tour operators (telegraph.co.uk/holidayguides).
6. Consider Spain and France
If you are booking late, you are likely to have the biggest choice in destinations with the most capacity. Spain wins hands down for the sheer number of holiday destinations, flights and the range of accommodation. France has the huge advantage of being drivable. Whenever you want to travel, you will be able to get a reasonably priced ferry fare. See my latest ferry guide at telegraph.co.uk/ferries.
7. Beware longer flights
You can also get very good value in Turkey, and sometimes Greece, as long as the flight is included in the package. But beware cheap accommodation-only deals: if you have to buy flights separately, you will probably have to pay through the nose in high season.
8. Consider 'trouble' spots
Destinations such as Egypt and Tunisia, where there has been political instability, are best booked late in any case, so that you can check the latest advice from the Foreign and Commonwealth Office (fco.gov.uk). In both cases, there is likely to be good availability even in school holidays. The economic problems in Cyprus also seem to have hit bookings recently. It seems likely that they will pick up again, but the island is likely to have better availability than usual.
9. Go independently
The advantage of booking a late package deal is that transport and accommodation is arranged in one hit. But you are also limiting your options. I like the option on skyscanner.net that allows you to search for the cheapest flights to any destination on a certain date. Once you have found your bargain flights, you can then start to look for accommodation.
10. Stay in the UK
That way, assuming you have a car, you can at least eliminate the problem of booking a flight or a ferry. All you have to do now is find somewhere to stay. And the sooner you start looking, the more choice you will have.http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/travel-advice/10053482/Summer-holiday-late-booking-guide-how-to-find-a-last-minute-bargain.html
So my advice then is to read the above help from the Times, double check prices before you get excited (my downfall for sure), always ring the company and check the price advertised is the ACTUAL price (Yeah I know stupid wrong prices) and above all spare a thought for me sunning myself (ok hiding my chalky white self under a massive umbrella slathered in factor 50 even though it will be October ha ha) at an extra cost which means I will probably only be allowed one cocktail now!! Sigh!! #luckyme FR.
Day Thirty Eight;
So you were probably worried about me yesterday and whether or not I was struggling to contain myself and my ranting at an out of control children's party but no it was fine, better than fine, it was lovely. Kids played on lawn, one number 2 balloon, home made food and cakes and even home made elderflower champagne! Bliss!! So a lovely day was had by all and today was very pleasantly spent with in-laws and my own family so all in all a successful weekend!
I do have one little niggle though.....yes you knew I would find something to moan about!! I really, really wish children would grow a little bit slower!! Having bought the most beautiful pink first shoes for Tabitha less than a month ago, I tried to put them on her today to find they don't fit!! She has outgrown them, ALREADY!!!
WTF?? Seriously I wish I could have new shoes every month!! But no because we have to eat and buy a constant stream of clothes and shoes for Jake and Tabitha!! I know they have to grow but seriously can't they be a bit more considerate and only grow around their birthdays and christmas so they can have these things as presents??
Babies feet grow quickly. As a general rule, measure feet every month for babies under one year, every two months for one to two-year olds and every three months for two to three-year olds.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080414033202AAUbSiF
Oh well guess we will have to work a bit harder to keep the little princess in shoes!! Much as I moan about it I do understand the importance of good shoes for her.......
Tips for growing feet
The following tips will help any concerned parent make the right choices about family footcare and adhering to them will be a real investment for your child's future.
Foot Care for Your Baby:
A baby's foot is not simply a smaller version of an adult's. At birth the 26 bones that will eventually make up the adult foot are mostly cartilage making them pliable and therefore susceptible to damage. To allow your baby's feet to develop naturally without being distorted, always:
- Keep bedclothes loose fitting and light so the feet are not restricted.
- Encourage your baby to exercise its feet by kicking and similar actions. This will help develop the foot muscles.
Foot Care for Your Toddler and Young Child:
- Don't force a child into walking. They will start when ready, which can be anytime between 10 and 18 months.
- Encourage your child to walk barefoot indoors as this allows the foot to develop and strengthen.
- Once walking is established, children are ready for their first shoes. Always ensure that shoes are purchased in a reputable shoe shop, where children's feet are measured and the fit of the shoes is checked by trained Shoe Fitters.
- Inspect your child's feet regularly, at least every bath time, as children often can't feel any damage being done. Look for abnormalities such as cuts, breaks in the skin and any unusual changes in colour or temperature.
Do's and don'ts for new parents
DO..
- wait until your child is on its feet and attempting the first tottering steps before considering buying shoes. Then go to a shop with trained staff who will measure your child's feet for length and width.
- choose shoes that gives stability and protection to feet, which are still soft and vulnerable at this young age. An ideal shoe should be soft and flexible, with breathing leather uppers and a fully adjustable fastening for a snug fit.
- choose a shop that offers shoes in width fittings and half sizes and that has trained staff who can expertly fit them. Less than a third of children are "average" fitting so foot measurement and correct fitting are vital to a pair of feet.
- take your child back to the shop for a fitting check after about six to eight weeks. Feet grow, on average, two full sizes (18mm) a year until four or five years of age when growth starts to slow down. As this growth is intermittent, regular checks are essential and a good shoe shop will offer these free.
DON'T..
- put young children in socks or babygros that are too small for their feet. This could cause their toes to curl, which can result in permanent damage to the growing bones.
- buy synthetic socks or shoes as they won't allow your child's feet to breathe properly and this could lead to conditions such as athlete's foot. What's more, synthetic materials will only stretch so far, and the resulting pressure could again damage a child's growing foot.
So Tabitha you're fine, I might not be made of money but somehow I will find the money to buy you new shoes every month (even if it's upsetting I can't have the same!!) See below photo for Tabitha's problem toes!! FR.
Day Thirty Nine;
Wow!! Today has been a busy one! So far we have had a visit to playgroup, one hire car delivered, one bashed in car picked up, one 'ladies wot lunch' lunch, one visit to The Range with my sister for a canvas and a slimming world session. If that does not sound like a lot add in two small children, a job lot of housework and welcome to my day!!
Ranting wise it has been a slow day and really the only tedious thing that has annoyed me today is the hire car.....that does not have a handbrake! What now?? Why no handbrake - it's just got a weird P button that apparently does the same thing and cuts the engine....so weird!
Anybody else got a weird no handbrake car? And how on earth do you do hill starts?? Very, very weird!! I don't like it and lets just say my driving was more than slightly affected! So why on earth would they get rid of the handbrake.....is it really that much of a problem just to pull a lever up? Cars are getting more and more complicated.....do we really need all this stuff??
What about cruise control?? Whats that all about...aeroplanes need cruise control not cars! This is what the Vauxhall website says about the hire car;
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